Here's my story:
So the other day i was having a wank and just as i was about to cream all over the bench i noticed something out of the corner of my eye. I immediately stopped jacking and turned to see what it was. It was only my dog, so then i CREAMED ALL OVER EVERYTHING.
a while after i went to go get the mail and there was a letter inside addressed to me I opened it to see blue paper folded up when i opened it it had lines and squiggles everywhere and a big red X, it was a treasure map.
So i started from my mailbox and followed the map it took me all the way to KFC where i tripped over a shoelace that was just kinda chillin on the ground it was tied to another letter that was addressed to me. It was chunkier and heavier than the first. Feeling kinda creeped out i looked around suspiciously and opened the envelope. Inside was $23.45, a razor blade, 6 feet of string tied to a can of deoderant and another map. This second map took me back to my house where a weird looking guy with a beard and a trench coat tried to sell me a watch. i reluctantly turned down his offer and went inside to bed. i woke up and checked my phone for the time. 6:32. it was twilight outside so i couldn't tell if it was day or night. i stumbled into the kitchen looking for something to eat when i discovered a dead cat tied to my leg. the cat magically came to life and said this exactly "check your mirrors and take a left here, now up at the next intersection go straight into the river. then i was all "No" and flushed it's carcus down the toilet.
Later i went for a drive and remembered the cat so i checked my mirrors and took a left. then at the intersection sped up to break through the fence into the lake. With the car half full with hair gel i un buckled myself and called upon my Staryu to get me the fuck outa there. A wild dratini appears! bitch yes i'll have that! dratini used fuck shit up, user fainted. for the next six weeks i was tripping balls over what had happened. so much infact that in Coles i pushed a big red button and an alarm went screeching through my ears. suddenly the man in the trench coat who tried to sell me watch was there he told me he had a $12,000 Rolex with my name on it. so i forked out the $23.45 he wanted and he took me out to his van and tied me up with my string. I calmed my panic as i remember what i had in my pocket! The deoderant! i sprayed the string for a good 6 minutes untill one section of the string was frozen solid. Then i bashed it with side of the razor blade until it shattered. That's when shit got funky everthing went all wobbly and i fell straight through the bottom of the van and kept falling through lava and iron until i fell straight through china. and kept going until i reached Satan he was all like "Yo" and i was all like "sup" and he was all like "how you got here?" and i was all like "woooppers!" and he was all like "chyeah!"
that is all